I am legitimately a prude and have never bought into the MST3Kification of genre fandom, but the closest thing I have to a New Year's resolution is to finally work my way through my Mill Creek and Universal Horror boxsets or die trying, so starting 2025 with this is a statement of intent.

I've written with genuine earnestness before about the psychosexual impact broadcasts of the Nightmare on Elm Street movies had on me as a budding bisexual b-movie buff,…