John Carpenter's Declassified Capitalism Survival Guide:
1) Identify the capitalist bourgeoisie around you: You will see them in managerial positions and wearing a fancy gold Rolex.
2) Identify the laboring proletariat: The bigger their muscles, the better. If they can rock a purple tank top, you've hit the jackpot.
3) Hold educational meetings to counteract capitalist brainwashing: It helps if you have cool sunglasses to give away as swag.
4) Arm yourselves.
5) Chew bubblegum.
6) Kick ass.

[NOTE: THIS IS SATIRE. DO NOT CALL THE FBI ON ME]

This makes Confess, Fletch look like Citizen Kane.

Best laugh of the year is when the disgraced gas exec killed himself in a car crash. Runner up is when a pig bites Billy's balls.

Honorable mention for the influencer who says she "felt bad" for getting a villa while everyone else fought over FEMA tents.

By the definition of my own rating system I have no choice but to award Megalopolis 5 stars because I will fight anyone who says this isn’t, at the very least, always interesting to behold and frequently awe inspiring.

It is not a “flawless masterpiece” like how others might use the 5 star rating, but that’s precisely why I’ve never subscribed to that rubric. Rather it is a film that makes unique choices at every level, and even if they’re not the choices I would make, I’ll fight to the death for Coppola’s (and any filmmaker’s) right to make them.