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This one would’ve hit harder if I didn’t fuck up my no nut November. Every time I saw someone jacked on screen I couldn’t help but think that could’ve been me if I didn’t have a moment of weakness and fucking nut earlier this month fuuuuuckkkkkkk 😔

*whispering to person next to me in theater* I side with the Second Republic of Portland Maoists and the Western Allied Forces of Loyalist Missouri and Fundamentalist Iowa

*Feeling constipated from too much spice so I stick the nose thing in my ass like a suppository and take a shit on the sand*

Javier bardem (wide eyed): it is written

(Sweating after realizing the movie I made is just about guy who lives in a nice house) yeah uh.. the uh… holocaust is actually happening in the movie too… right out of frame… yeah…

This review may contain spoilers.

Written on tombstone: Please do not fuck this grave

Beautiful, aesthetically pleasing movie that tracks the lives of a couple regular average joes going about their normal run-of-the-mill lives.

*Ethan hunt in bed late at night watching porn when suddenly his screen starts glitching*

Ethan (touching earpiece): Luther what’s happening

Luther: The Entity… it doesn’t want you to jack off to that

Benji: Everybody gets to watch porn except Benji

This review may contain spoilers.

It's symmetrical

in the year 2000 no more jacking off, we are jacking IN

E.T.'s life before he got famous was crazy

This review may contain spoilers.

Complete and utter takedown of Jordan Peterson and his cadre of toxic men without so much as even saying his name. Incels are famously married men who manipulate their wives — any curious mind who goes down conservative rabbit holes such as myself knows this. Wilde also creates a totally original world that I’ve never seen done before while also managing to pay homage to the great sci-fi films such as The Matrix by basing the movie on the exact same premise. 5/5 stars

This review may contain spoilers.

kicked out of the theater for shouting "Imagine getting sucked off by that thing" every time the alien was sucking someone up into the sky

Rajat rajat rajat

Good prequel to Men In Black 2 👍

This review may contain spoilers.

What no pussy does to a mfer

One (1) uncircumcised penis in this one 👍

Love a high frequency sound in a movie to show someone is anxious

steve-o is short for steve-on (pronounced steven)

would hate being a surveillance guy. on top of having to constantly hear people shitting, jerking off, etc. you'd have to feel morally responsible for murders sometimes too

This review may contain spoilers.

did anyone catch that this movie lowkey had a political message?

kid should have been spanked for his behavior in this film. 1 star

Mfw nazis think they stand a chance against the power of song 😂

Looks like the monster pervert has set his sights on the carnival…

HELLO TRINITY PLEASE BE MY GIRLFRIEND

TRINITY IF YOU ARE READING THIS: PLEASE BE MY GIRLFRIEND

saw this a while ago, but wanna gonna go ahead and say this was my fave movie of the year 2 weeks before the new year. calling my shot here. the matrix and macbeth better not fuck me on this

whats better than this? lads being dudes (like guys being dudes)

I usually just wear a normal shirt and pants to avoid any Gucci-style drama

The only movie where everyone is running all the time

saw this finally and would have honestly been fine if timothee fucked his mom

if the apartment is scary literally why would u rent it??

I love ringo!!!

French She’s the man (where she fucks a car)

the cops in this movie should have done the right thing (quit)

think this joke would have been a good addition to this movie:

doctor: let's see what's going on here...

*doctor reaches for pete's penis*

pete davidson: whoa whoa doc, easy-- i am fucked up in here (points at head) NOT here (points at penis)

Watched on Monday June 15, 2020.

There could be two YouTube cuts of this movie if anyone wants to make them:

1. Denzel Washington EMBARRASSES 11-Year-Old In One-On-One

2. Jesus Shuttlesworth NASTY MIXTAPE! Best High School Prospect Since Lebron?!

i cant believe even in the flashbacks those guys looked THAT old. oldest looking 24 year olds ive ever seen lol

this movie would have been over in 5 minutes if that boy had been spanked at the beginning

the guy who plays robert mueller is kinda funny

there is a part in this movie where nic cage puts plastic vampire teeth in his mouth, moans, then crawls out of frame. there is another where nic cage eats a cockroach. there is another where he screams the ABCs at his therapist. nic cage also sleeps under his couch during the movie.

this is how they should have marketed the movie.

the sequel to this movie should be about the guy who invented squares

this movie would have been over in 5 minutes if that boy had been spanked at the beginning

The first movie to ask the question, "Space ocean make you crazy?"

The kids from Good Morning are all grown up now and better be hot as hell!

Weird guy emerges from desert.

Watched on Tuesday April 28, 2020.

After watching this movie I now finally understand the Youtube video "The Raid - Drug Room Fight Scene - BEST QUALITY (480p) - Part 4"

Watched on Thursday April 23, 2020.