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4

You know me, give me an 85-minute movie shot on Kodak with a comeback performance about the feminine pain of ageing and we’re in business.

26

The most ‘that’s it?!’ ending ever, after an hour and a half all this really has to show for itself is good ideas and a genuinely magnetic performance from Pamela Anderson. Because of her you are instantly drawn to a character who is underserved by a pretty bad script that can only make its themes stick by explaining them to you in scenes where Billie Lourd is for some reason playing a 22 year old who has the shruggy and mopey demeanor of a teenager. After a bit it just feels like it’s posing as something it doesn’t have the juice to be. Shelly is a very imperfect person and mother but we barely get to explore that, instead it’s stylized into obscurity through handheld montages and a structure that leaves everything half realized. I need to go watch Showgirls

37

gia coppola tries to make a sean baker movie despite having never met a real person. nevertheless bautista & pam anderson (!!) great. sleazy jason schwartzman cameo also fun.

8

imagining jamie lee curtis shooting this in between seasons 2 and 3 of the bear and just staying in character

1

gia you should’ve given us more story not transition montages

Review by Ella Kemp ★★½

Really, really beautiful score and production design, but the way this was shot and, more crucially, written really irked me. So much expository dialogue without ever moving into what happens once you have set that exposition up. Which is a shame because the idea is good, the intentions often moving and beautiful and they make sense. But I know as much about the film now as I did when putting it on my watchlist.

10

everyone start planning your The Substance x The Last Showgirl double feature movie nights RIGHT NOW

4

it’s giving PLEEEEASE I’M A STAAAAAR

21

So was a quarter of the movie supposed to be out of focus?

6

1. Pamela Anderson god tier performance
2. Dave Bautista in a DX Racer
3. Jason Schwartzman in keemstar makeup

5

spray-tanned jamie lee curtis dancing to total eclipse of the heart will haunt me forever

Review by joe ★★★½ Liked

vibes and gorgeous costumes. what a vulnerable comeback performance from pamela anderson. I’m so happy people are finally taking her seriously as an actress & this was the right role. what this film lacks is the writing and poorly fleshed relationships between the characters. without pamela’s performance this wouldn’t of worked for me at least. the rest of the ing cast was great with what was given to them (not you jamie lee) kiernan shipka or billie lourd should of gotten the sag nom over her. I was extra happy to see brenda song acting again as well. I really enjoyed dave bautista here too. 
the last 10 or so mins of the film solidified my rating along with miley cyrus’ beautiful song. the direction is great & the cinematography and score are breathtaking. shot in 18 days and all on film which made everything look so colorful and vibrant.