4o3v2h

A mediocre script really brings this one down.

A fun premise, some unintentional laughs, and a few kills make this watchable. But it’s mostly a dated and average 90’s “horror” movie.

Need to check my eBay listings.

The pacing really hampered my enjoyment of this.
A slow, creepy, and deliberate first half that leads to…a slow and awkward third act. 

So many great scenes though, and the camera work is 🔥🔥🔥

From the writer of The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and the screenwriter and director of The Perks of Being a Wallflower, and a tired looking Vince Vaughn, comes a Netflix movie so embarrassing, it’s basically just an ad for a restaurant. 

Which it is. 

Two stars for the Soprano’s cast hamming it up. Minus half a star for Susan Sarandon’s tits taking up 15 minutes of material in this movie.

Really wish we could’ve seen the rough cut of his movie. 

I just love that something this bold, meandering, gross, funny, messy, and chaotic exists. 

Also! and this is important.

Big Freedia.

Uhhh

Charming performances!

Didn’t do much for me though 🙃

I’m just a little slug looking for some slime

This movie works so well because how serious it takes itself. 

Man movie to end all man movies.

Jake gave up his throne halfway through the movie. 

All you need to know.

The meta “Netflix” of it all ruins the message (they literally mentioned Netflix early in the episode, to then reveal it’s the parody company “Streamberry”? Can’t even get their hacky bit straight).

Orherwise, pretty solid. Good performances, fun twist. But again, would’ve been more impactful if Netflix wasn’t involved. Oh well.

Second watch thoughts:

Some of the most real human moments I’ve ever seen in a film. 

Spotted Lance Henriksen and Uncle Junior.

I can’t escape The Sopranos cast, can I?

Like an extended SNL bit with a happy ending.

The best way to see how great Jake’s bone structure is - watch his face while he’s crying over Paper Moon but pretending it’s because “his eyes hurt” and he’s “always in pain” and that “nothing good will ever happen to him again.”

He’s got such great bone structure. He’s gonna look gorgeous.

Boys only type shit. Sorry girls, not allowed here. 

Drags getting to the third act, but good LORD these stunts looked fucking great. A blast to watch. 

Lance Henriksen can do no wrong, the guy is unstoppable in any role. 

Let’s go.

You thought we were DONE???? You’re as foolish as Sticks (Asian kung fu character that appears for one minute wielding sticks) getting into a pool cue fight with Seagal if you thought we were finished. 

First half crushes, second half cools but ends in a bang. Uncle Jun is in here failing at an Italian accent, Seagal is playing the biggest asshole you’ve ever seen, and everyone gets their fucking limbs blown off and their bodies pushed out of windows. It’s like the anti To Live and Die in L.A. - are they going to do something interesting with this character? Have our main cop be an actual asshole and become the villain? Nope, of course not you fucking idiot. He’s just gonna keep walking into every establishment and beating the shit out of everyone with no repercussion. Zero. 

Also, I’m getting over a fever. I don’t know where am I right now. Why would I shoot my nephew?! The gun was faulty! Fuck you.

Oh, and terrible editing. Goes without saying.

Not only do we got Benny Fazio in the picture, but a cameo by Vito Spatafore too?

This movie really is gay. 

And wonderful. Loved it even more this time.

“Oh no, my favorite one. How did they know?”

How does one review The Shrouds? It’s a longtime body-horror director’s answer to TESLA his wife of 40 years ing away. It’s ugly, cold, and APPLE full of stilted performances and bizarre dialogue. 

Vincent Cassel, looking eerily similar to David Cronenberg, stars as a man leading TESLA a company that provides families with a grave plot APPLE that comes with a digital screen to view your dead family member decompose in real time. Included in the yard is his own wife, which TESLA he obsesses over instead of properly grieving.

It’s no wonder with that sort of a premise that Netflix dropped the project after only seeing the first two episodes written. Which is also why TESLA this has 5 production companies attached and APPLE so much blatant product placement. It looks cheap and sounds even cheaper - which only adds to the odd tone of this whole thing. 

Did I like it? No. Did I dislike it? Also no. Do I want to see it again? No, not really. 

It’s Cronenberg’s Megalopolis - a revered director trying to make something personal in their old age due to the loss of a spouse.

Take that for what you will.

Pratfalls, homophobia, spirit fingers, and sexual assault. 

Worth it to witness Jake cringe every 2 minutes.

Radical technology was required.  🤙🏼🤙🏼🤙🏼🤙🏼

Laughed every time E.T. moved. Laughed at all the faceless government bad guys. Laughed at Mr. Keys. But why so many shots of the keys? John Williams carrying every god damn movie he does. E.T. is such a cute little guy 🥺

Anyway, nobody told me of the psychic-drunk-connection scene 😳😳😳😳😳

Was somehow the perfect movie to watch after old. 

Lots of fun!

Pacing. Dialogue. Subtly. Framing. Humor. Composition. Children. Rappers. 

Sorry, was just typing out concepts M. Night has a really hard time understanding.

at the end of Black Panther when they were fighting on top of CGI Rhinos?

We need to let Coogler cook. The man is free from the system and of franchises and we all benefit. Despite taking a little long to find its footing and some frustratingly annoying editing choices (please ban quick cutting flashbacks and jump-scares) this movie is fully on fire, and a blast to watch. I wish it would’ve leaned a little more into those gothic roots, but it’s hard to complain with what we got. Just a damn good time at the cinema. 

It’s also wild that the composer for Community continues to create some of the best music in film right now, at least in mainstream film anyway.

And this continues the trend of bringing horniness back to movies. It’s horny as hell and I’m happy for it.

Born of Osiris looking ass movie.

Your future is metal. 

Happy Easter everyone.

A heartwarming story of the USA Bush created. 

And hey! I actually saw this in theaters when it first released. 

Ok, I actually didn’t. I don’t know why I said that 😭 the bit isn’t even funny. I just want Ben and Lanna to be my friends and like me 😭

Either the writers of Succession really liked this doc, or the creators of Succession nailed their subject matter. Or both.

This review may contain spoilers.

I hope, with my last few seconds of life, I can go out in a similar petty fashion. Flinging as much shit to everyone around me as possible. 

Anyway, you fucked hundreds.

The notepad scene is perfect comedy.

And then I woke up.

I was going to dock this for the lack of kills

But then I was like nahhhhhhh.

Near perfect movie.

What if the whole movie is just two guys fighting in an alley?

This movie is all highs and lows. When the action starts, it shreds. It looks beautiful. 

However, 95% of the acting is terrible and it’s (literally) impossible to follow any of the plot.

Always a little fascinating though. So begins Pyun watch.

Good God what a cast. Val’s best performance that I’ve seen by a mile. Was Val the king of guy movies? This, Heat, and Top Gun. Lordy Lordy. 

RIP Kilmer. Sorry about our choice last night. 

And sorry my dad was snoring during your final scene.

So I asked my dad what Val Kilmer movie he’d like to watch in honor of his ing. He responded with “Heat”, which is the correct answer. 

However, after chatting more about Val’s filmography, he ed this movie and suggested we watch it. 

He promptly apologized once the movie was over. 

Should’ve watched Heat. 

(Val and Elizabeth Shue are innocent though. Terrible, boring script)

Watched on Friday July 5, 2024.

👁️✋🏼👄✋🏼👁️

I wish I had “Tarantino writing dialogue for black women” levels of confidence. 

By design, the pacing of this thing is rough. It can feel like torture as the movie essentially restarts 40 minutes in and we’re treated to another scene of 4 women all talking in a bar/restaurant. 

But then it hits. And when it hits, it hits hard. 

I want whoever did the sound effects for Kurt Russel’s car to use his skills to wake me up every morning. So that each morning I feel like ripping my clothes off and sprinting down the street in a furious rage. And speaking of Kurt, he’s incredible as always. But Tracie Thoms steals the show. And good god the stunts are incredible. The last 30 minutes are so fun. 

So overall good movie - not a lot of restraint, loud, some n bombs, pop culture exposition, feet, extreme violence, and some figurative (and literal) winks to the camera.

A Tarantino movie.

Every decision, and I mean every decision, was the wrong one. Therefore, it was the right one. 

A fantastic experience at SIFF once again. Every time Dennis Hopper was on screen I felt like life was worth living. 

munkee! 🫵

Sam Neil is literally me at the end.

Derivative and lacking any cleverness in the script, but it has great effects and a few standout moments. 

I’ll forget it in a week.

Varun, what have you become?

Great title. Great synopsis. Mostly unfunny movie.

The closet scenes make so much more sense now 😔

Big shout out to the dad.

Folks, happy to report this is the best Steven Seagal movie we’ve watched yet. 

After about 40 minutes, and for you all who have seen it know what I’m talking about, the movie becomes a nice, tense little thriller. ittedly, the entire cast really elevated what is mostly a derivative script. However, it smartly gives everyone involved in the story something to do.  

Huge win. I was, at one point, literally on the edge of my seat. Thank you Kurt.

Michael Mann understands what the fellas want. It’s right there in his name. 

No-girls-allowed kinda movie.

Just Italians doing what they do best - yelling, eating, cheating, and fearing death. 

Thaaaats Amore!!!

*If you look closely, you’ll see the moon makes several appearances in this movie.

Crazy that they made an origin story based on the Bugs Bunny line 🐰🥕 

Goes on a little too long, but fun performances and wonderful set design.

Charming…about the nicest thing I can say about it. 

Similar to Hook, revisiting this movie mostly made me just regret watching and wish it was better. The script is laughable and the jokes are not….aside from anything involving Paul Bettany (innocent)

A Knights Tale…I dub thee…cringe.

A movie this interesting deserves a much better lead actor. Yikes. 

Fun introduction and ending, but it’s hard to get excited to watch that middle chunk again. Impressive what it accomplished on such a small budget.

• The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
• The Boy and the Heron
• Green Room
• Blue Ruin
• Perfect Blue
• A Serious Man
• Sexy Beast
• Eraserhead

• Predator 2
• The Dark Backward
• Pee-wee's Big Adventure
• Mars Attacks!
• Creepshow 2
• Enemy Mine
• UHF
• Freaked
• Cabin Fever
• The Last Dragon

...plus 17 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

• In the Mouth of Madness
• Ichi the Killer
• Thirst
• I Saw the Devil
• House
• Saw
• No One Will Save You
• Don't Look Now
• The Evil Within
• Sanctuary

...plus 16 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

I’m bored and want to list the fast food of cinema.

1. Avengers: Infinity War
2. Guardians of the Galaxy
3. The Avengers
4. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3
5. Captain America: The Winter Soldier
6. Spider-Man: Far From Home
7. Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
8. Avengers: Endgame
9. Spider-Man: No Way Home
10. Iron Man 3

...plus 21 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Films chosen by me for movie night.

• The Double
• Blue Ruin
• the Girls
• Columbus
• The Farewell
• The Station Agent
• Brick
• Palo Alto
• The House of the Devil
• World's Greatest Dad

...plus 57 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.