ACTION SCENES: 7
TOTAL ACTION TIME: 23/86 min. (26.7/100)
CHOREOGRAPHY: 7/10
STUNTS: 7/10
EDITING: 7/10
FINALE: 7/10
MISCELLANEOUS MENTIONS: None
TOTAL ACTION JUNKIE SCORE: 61.7

SEE ALL MOVIES RANKED IN ACTION JUNKIE ORDER.

MUCH better than the first movie!

It ittedly feels like a TV movie, actually more like a TV episode following up the first movie's "pilot", with a villain of the week that feels pulled right out of the A-Team.

But the storytelling is more streamlined, the execution less bizarre, the stakes a bit higher, and the action - the action RIPS.

There's roughly the same amount of action as the first movie, but it's far more assured somehow. More stuntwork, better camera angles, more daring combinations. It just feels more action packed and much more satisfying in that regard.

Now, there's still some of director Robert Clouse's weird scripting / storytelling, but a lot more fun:

At one point in the middle of a larger fight, two Chinese chefs in tall white chef hats emerge from a restaurant and start slicing up the bad guys with their butcher knives. They just slice up their clothes? I think? Then they go away.

China says "no guns unless absolutely necessary." Then almost immediately Dakota (Keith Cooke) takes a gun from one of the bad guys and starts shooting at other *unarmed* bad guys who are just creeping around!

In another scene, one of the bad guys picks up a chair, swings it at Richard Norton in an EXCELLENT move that looks like it *just* missed him, but then bad guy awkwardly puts it down before resuming the fight? wtf?

Another villain shows up wearing literal Freddy Krueger gloves. When these just pierce the skin it becomes fatal (poisoned? The movie does not ever establish this.)

Another villain is dressed up in Indiana Jones garb, complete with hat and whip. No explanation.

I also have to give this movie credit for its opening sequence with a Benny Hill level hillbilly dumbass that the movie actually re later in the plot! (Only to not really use him though, Clouse can always be depened upon to waste any/all aces up his sleeve in pointless fashion.)

There's also this almost cinema verite style fight between Keith Cooke and Billy Blanks in an alleyway, that looks like it came out of a different movie. Turns out, the final edit was too short, so the producer's daughter directed a slapdash guerilla style fight between Cooke and Blanks (who was called in just to add this extra fight!) It was all done on the fly and in one quick go. It's short, but still excellent.

But this movie mostly made sense from a character motivation and actions taken standpoint. The action is superb. There was a desire to make a China O'Brien 3 and 4, but Rothrock's agents at the time decided she needed to aim for bigger movies, all of which never came to be. And alas, no China O'Brien 3 and 4.

If you watch only one, watch this second one.

Watched with the Fridays of Fury Action Club. us on our LB Forum if you like!

ACTION SCENES: 7
TOTAL ACTION TIME: 22.25/90 min. (24.7/100)
CHOREOGRAPHY: 6/10
STUNTS: 5/10
EDITING: 4/10
FINALE: 4/10
MISCELLANEOUS MENTIONS: None
TOTAL ACTION JUNKIE SCORE: 50.7

SEE ALL MOVIES RANKED IN ACTION JUNKIE ORDER.

China O'Brien 1 & 2 were shot "back to back" though according to star Cynthia Rothrock they were actually shot muddled together - the cast had only read the first script, thinking it would all be done chronologically, and then director Robert Clouse would announce "Hey, while we're on this set for the sherrif's office, let's shoot all those scenes from #2, too!" And they'd just have to do the scenes on the spot. In Rothrock's mind, the 2 movies are one long "China O'Brien" film, where she changed outffits and that's about it.

Let's take a moment to talk about director Clouse - this man is both a stain and a boon to Western martial arts. His work with Bruce Lee allowed him to bring martial arts cinema to the West, unfortunately he was selected to direct the meat of them, and he was never a particularly good director, with bizarre scripts, character directions, and largely uninspired filmmaking choices. Though those bizarre scripts do stand out, for better and for worse.

In China O'Brien, a co-production with HK production company Golden Harvest, Rothrock transitions from HK to America, from Chinese language films to English. Being her first film where she spoke her own lines rather than being dubbed over later, she was nervous about her lack of actual acting experience, in of delivering lines in English. Often, director Clouse would give her a line reading and she'd just mimic his reading. (Looking back at the films now, she's like "Oh wow, that is not how I'd deliver those lines if I could have heard myself.")

These were also the cinematic debut of Keith Hirobayashi (aka Keith Cooke) who is drop dead phenomenal in of physical ability (reminds me of a young Hiroyuki Sanada) and he even has a natural screen presence and decent line delivery. Also a weirdly cool hand appendage thingie that he wears because he broke his thumb early on and had to hide the cast. It's a shame Keith rarely got to cut loose in future films as he does here. KING OF THE KICKBOXERS might be the only one.

And of course Richard Norton is what he always is, charming, masculine, fast-twitch as all hell whenever he moves.

The story of this first film makes a great logline: China O'Brien is a big city police officer and martial arts instructor who quits the force when she takes a life in the line of duty. She visits her dad, a sheriff of a small town plagued by corruption. When her dad is assassinated by the town's criminal element, she runs for office to replace him.

Great story idea. But jesus christ this script. No one makes decisions that makes sense. The bad guys sometimes put bombs in cars, sometimes just show up randomly to beat people up. When they fail and jump into cars to drive away, no one just...takes down the damn license numbers. And anyway the whole town knows who these jackasses are.

When China is running for sheriff, her crowd of townfolk is REALLY small, and then we cut to a giant parade - this town is actually that big? (Turns out Clouse just guerilla captured that parade and put China in it, and the people at the parade probably wondered what the hell the "China 4 Sherriff" stuff was all about!)

At one point a gathering to China has the fire department show up to put out a bonfire that's a part of it. They aren't actually disturbing any of the people, just putting out the fire. And Richard Norton just starts beating them up. They don't even fight back! Then everyone cheers. WTF!?!

Then the bas guys - trying to win an election, mind you - start smashing townspeople's cars trying to get to our heroes. Then they just leave all their drugs on a table in an abandoned house. It's hard to turn your brain off to the level this movie demands. It doesn't help that the story and scenes aren't wild or crazy or batshit - they're very straightforward, "normal" scenes, that just happen to be executed in completely off, batshit ways.

The action has its moments - the choreography is plainly creative, and occasionally captured beautifully. But Clouse is no perfectionist, he didn't do take after take to get it just right. He's a point-and-shoot director who moves on after two or three takes at most. So you can SEE the choreo is creative, and difficult, but often it's done a but sloppy, a little slow, a little off, but oh well, gotta move on!

All in all, this first China O'Brien is a fine drinking game kind of movie. Drink every time a character does something inexplicable. Then try to not out before its 90-minute runtime is over.

Watched with the Fridays of Fury Action Club. us on our LB Forum if you like!

TOXIC MASCULINITY WALK.

A great story for our cultural and political times, where "manliness" - defined as aggression, superiority, unearned pride, and condescension toward "others" - is back on the rise, especially in the youngest generations. (It was just reported that young men aged 18-25 were more likely to Trump and old men over 75 were more likely to Kamala Harris. It's the generational divide turned fucking upside down.)

Absolutely superior script, perfect casting, heartbreaking final moment even thought you really, really don't want it to be heartbreaking.

The cinematography is top notch, too - half this fim feels old, pre-1958, but the other half feels oddly before its time, closer to late 60's/70's.

Excellent Western. It's not always an easy watch, but it's a ridiculously well made and intelligent one.

Seen with my posse, THE COLLAB.

ACTION SCENES: 7
TOTAL ACTION TIME: 46/93.5 min. (49.2/100)
CHOREOGRAPHY: 8/10
STUNTS: 8/10
EDITING: 8/10
FINALE: 8/10
MISCELLANEOUS MENTIONS: Training sequence! (1 point)
TOTAL ACTION JUNKIE SCORE: 89.2

SEE ALL MOVIES RANKED IN ACTION JUNKIE ORDER.

"I'd rather get killed than lose a match."

What are you a fucking samurai? Calm the fuck down, Ken Lo. If it wasn't for your idiot machismo this whole movie wouldn't have happened!

But this is a GREAT fucking movie, roughly 50% PURE ACTION, so three cheers for idiot machismo. This is why KT made my Best Asian Action Movies You (Probably) Haven't Seen List!

We open on an epic 15 minute kickboxing match between Billy fucking Chow and Ken fucking Lo. (Their legal full names.) Billy was an actual kickboxing champion, and Ken was a freestyle fighting champion. I half wonder if most of this fight wasn't just the director telling the two to do a real kickboxing match, and roll camera.

This was two years before both fighters' biggest roles in 1994, respectively: Billy Chow as the main villain in Jet Li's FIST OF LEGEND and Ken Lo as the main villain in Jackie Chan's DRUNKEN MASTER II (a role he only got because the original villain injured himself in a stunt and now Ken's fight with Jackie is considered one of the best in film history!)

After that opening kickboxing match, and because this cast is so stacked, we then get Mark Cheng in a 3.5 minute kickboxing match of possibly greater intensity. And THEN the revenge story begins, with Moon Lee looking into why her brother died and a villainous Yukari Oshima, Billy Chow, and Lung Fong waiting in the wings.

This is Just shy of Golden Age Sammo Hung action choreography. This is, essentially, what we hope all underseen HK action flicks would be. We get TWO match-ups between Moon Lee and Billy Chow, then the title bout of Moon and Yuakari Oshima that isn't super long, but is very good.

Then we hit the finale, which at first seems like it's going to be a lame gun fight (though not a single girl picks up a gun, so this is definitely a "Chicks With Kicks" flick and not a "Girls With Guns") but the intensity just keeps ratcheting up, the physical battles, too. Gabriel Wong, Ricky Lau Koon-Wai, Jue Wan-Sing, and many more all get in on the blood-soaked fun. You don't think Lung Fung is the kind of guy who can do an aerial back kick, but then he whips that shit right out.

Directed by "Sam Daat-Wai" which is now known to be an alias for well known actor Shum Wai (he also directed FATAL GAME under a different alias as well as SPIRITUALLY A COP, TRIAD STORY, and MASTER'S NECKLACE.) Action choreo by Siu Tak-Foo who did action for all of Shum Wai's other films. I don't know how good any of those are, but holy shit PROPS to him on this one! He was Assistant Chorographer on a number of truly excellent Golden Age flicks like ROYAL WARRIORS, SHE SHOOTS STRAIGHT, KUNG FU CULT MASTER, and King Hu's RAINING IN THE MOUNTAIN.

Just one of the best you (probably) haven't seen yet. Fix that. Pronto.

Watched with the Fridays of Fury Action Club. us on our LB Forum if you like!

"A man who is perhaps losing his mind spits his murderous fantasies and confessions at a shadow on the wall of his room that has the shape of an owl" is a really, really, REALLY intriguing logline.

That's where the intrigue and entertainment ends, folks.

Plainly expects its audience to be intimtely famialiar with the experimental source material (which is understandable, as this film hasn't traveled far outside its Iranian borders.) There are precious few owl shadows. Precious few understandable plot threads or even interesting narrative mind fucks. It's all just kind of meandering spoken poetry with quiet, moderately well-framed images.

It's one of those films that's both boringly understated and alienatingly histrionic at the same time. Curtain.

Man can THE COLLAB pick 'em. This was my top pick for this week. We have such bad taste.

ACTION SCENES: 14
TOTAL ACTION TIME: 25/87.5 min. (28.6/100)
CHOREOGRAPHY: 7/10
STUNTS: 7/10
EDITING: 7/10
FINALE: 4/10
MISCELLANEOUS MENTIONS: None.
TOTAL ACTION JUNKIE SCORE: 64

SEE ALL MOVIES RANKED IN ACTION JUNKIE ORDER.

Man, what a boring movie. There are cheaper, shoddier, lamer "Girls With Guns" movies out there (or "Chicks With Kicks", credit to Adam C for this far superior phrase.) But KILLER ANGELS (or "ULTRAFORCE 1" if you're German) has the ingredients to be GREAT - Gordon Liu, Lau Kar Yan, Moon Lee, a young Ng Tat Man, the Chinese debut of Japanese action actress Takajo Fujimi, motorcycles, shot guns, hand guns, explosions, squibs. And yet it's just kinda...okay.

The runtime is not long, but sure feels it. Most of the action sequences are blisteringly brief, 30-45 seconds. Half the cast aren't action stars, and one of the biggest ones that is - Gordon Liu - doesn't get to do jack shit in the action department. He does give one of the better performances, though.

Most mysteriously, is an actress credited as "Yuen Hung", who plays a mother out for revenge for the death of her really obnoxious child. She's short haired and disguises herself as a man in one notable scene and she frankly kicks the most ass out of everyone in the movie, Moon Lee included. She moves incredibly, and powerfully, yet she has almost zero acting credits outside of this flick. There's no information about her anywhere online. What a shame, and what a waste to have this stinker be her only movie!

The final battles between Moon Lee and Mark Houghton, then Moon Lee and Lau Kar Yan are ridiculously short. Like one minute each. And then the finale is interrupted by police officers just randomly stopping the whole movie while the finale was in mid-swing! LAME.

A few good moments, not a half-bad story idea but naturally a pretty poor script. (If there ever was a script, we know how these movies were made.) Overly brief action that never really gets going. There are better Chicks With Kicks movies to waste your time on. This one is a unless you're a completist.

Watched with the Fridays of Fury Action Club. us on our LB Forum if you like!

I enjoyed this movie far more than I anticipated.

Back in the 90's I renting it from a Hollywood Video - the trailer and VHS cover art were simply too intriguing to resist! But I couldn't recall anything from actually having watched it. I still recall the trailer and cover art, but the movie itself glissaded off me, friction-free.

Watching it now, I figure I was too young to appreciate half of what it was doing. KAFKA is a curious film in search of real meaning. It does A LOT. It has a unique rhythm and pace. It is visually captivating. I found it enthralling. But the viewer also has to fill in more than a handful of blanks.

The first 10 or so minutes feels like a movie TRYING to be something, but mostly just going through the motions. Yet soon it settles into its own skin and becomes the thing. Black and white, expressionistic, there's something of a narrative-driven video game at work here: a protagonist's POV as he wanders through an evocative setting picking up clues to a larger-than-real-life conspiracy. And all NPC's with lines exist to give our hero said clues. (Though props to the brief, otherwise pointless scene of Kafka following Joel Gray into the bathroom to discover a sort-of secret that has no real bearing on anything else.)

The choice to switch to full color for the climax is kinda genius. It takes you aback. It discombobulates the viewer as much as the character of Kafka in the movie must be, too.

And the themes at play here are strong - foremost among them a juxtaposition of artistic exploration of mankind's potential vs. that of physical science, exploitation, and enslavement trying to achieve the same. A writer's work, a filmmaker's output, a musician's lyricism are all scrutinized and quickly censored, but not the literal harm done by powerful elites treating those under them as playthings. Independence and unique character are devalued, while crafting a perfectly productive automaton is revered.

If there is one arguable weakness to KAFKA, it's the choice to make the protagonist the literal author, Franz Kafka. There never seems to be a true purpose or payoff to this. No amount of peppering in clever elements of Kafka's real life manage to turn the use of his character into something resonant. This is something director Steven Soderbergh seems to acknowledge in his recent recut of the film, re-titled "MR. KNEFF" (no more "Kafka"!)

That said, there's something remarkable in the use of the historical figure in such an outlandish genre yarn, that moves at the slowest of slow burn paces, before exploding into BRAZIL-style shenanigans at the end.

I can safely say there is nothing else quite like it in film history. Sticking to the theme of the film itself, that alone makes it worth its own existence.

Watched with THE COLLAB in their full color Castle.

ACTION SCENES: 6
TOTAL ACTION TIME: 17/85 min. (20/100)
CHOREOGRAPHY: 7/10
STUNTS: 5/10
EDITING: 9/10
FINALE: 8/10
MISCELLANEOUS MENTIONS: None.
TOTAL ACTION JUNKIE SCORE: 55

SEE ALL MOVIES RANKED IN ACTION JUNKIE ORDER.

If you asked me what year this movie was made, I would have guessed the late 90's or early 00's, maybe even the mid-00's. It has that feel of a Hong Kong film industry searching for what's next, struggling to define itself post-handover but still free to do whatever it likes. Within meager budgets, of course.

1996 isn't too much earlier, but still surprising that this was that far back. An ice cold hitwoman falls for a local noodle shop man just when she herself is targeted by Korean mobsters looking for revenge.

Sounds thrilling, right? Yeah, but no, not quite. Ice cold or "Beyond Hypothermia" is pretty apt - this is a cold, somewhat glacial romantic thriller, but one that ultimately proves effective. Jacklyn Wu (the romantic lead in another HK Romeo and Juliet riff A MOMENT OF ROMANCE) is solid as the stone-faced but deep down emotive killer. Lau Ching-Wan plays a great exceedingly average yokel who steps up to bat in the very end. And Han Jae-suk is electric as the unstoppable Korean badass.

The story is far more complex, multi-cultural, and intricate than you'd expect. The action is few and far between, but the few major shootouts that take place have producer Johnnie To's stamp all over them, in a good way. The finale is possibly the best slow-moving car gun fight ever put to film.*

(*Possibly the only one, but it's still meant as a major compliment!)

I can also see director Patrick Leung's stamp on the etheral movement of the action, like he would bring ot Twins Effect II and Wu Dang. And the steady but wholly unrushed pace of Somebody Up There Likes Me. This may be the best his style has ever worked, as a piece.

If you're looking for something a little different from HK, something that's slow burn but beautifully made and with an ending you won't soon forget, give this one a spin.

Watched with the Fridays of Fury Action Club, who have now outgrown the practicality of listing every single member in a review! But we're always happy to have more.

us on our LB forum Fridays of Fury if you like!

ACTION SCENES: 6
TOTAL ACTION TIME: 17/94.5 min. (18/100)
CHOREOGRAPHY: 5/10
STUNTS: 7/10
EDITING: 7/10
FINALE: 5/10
MISCELLANEOUS MENTIONS: None.
TOTAL ACTION JUNKIE SCORE: 48

SEE ALL MOVIES RANKED IN ACTION JUNKIE ORDER.

I've long put off watching this film, and I'd say "that was a mistake" but maybe waiting until now is part of why I loved it so!

This is one of those HK movies that had a lot of availability in the West, I'd see it everywhere, I've owned a VCD then DVD of the film for years and years. I love Simon Yam (though he's a bit overexposed) and Chingmy Yau (though she's rarely in quality fare) and director Peter Ngor is a cinematographer and actor who only directed 3 films, this being his last. So there was never too much of a fire under my butt.

But folks, this movie rules.

It's more comedy than action, it stops just shy of early Stephen Chow levels of comedy. The performances are over the top, not remotely serious, though the drama oddly is, again like a Stephen Chow comedy - the stakes are real, the cartoon characters, not necessarily.

A bank worker (Simon Yam) has to physically transfer $5M while suffering from the shits/runs, quick stops at a bathroom and the money is robbed while he's pooping. The police and his boss both blame him and pin the robbery on him. While they're doing this, his pregnant wife goes into labor in the police waiting room and dies during childbirth (an event that is delivered by a doctor in the most jaw-dropping deadpan.)

Yam is then fired and his rich-ass boss refuses to give him his legally-owed pension. Impoverished, and a single dad, Yam kidnaps his bosses spoiled rich girl daughter. Surprisingly long and involved story short: the two fall in love and begin terrorizing her dad, his corrupt associates, and the corrupt authorities.

As mentioned, the story here is surprisingly robust. It takes its time in giving our main duo reasons to pair up and then fall for each other. The film's look at the hipocrisy of the police and the wealthy class vs. that of well-meaning but pushed to the brink working class is well considered and presented. The film even takes a moment to show shelfishness and corruption in all classes, with a brilliant scene when the Chingmy Yau gives all her money to a homeless lady, then realizes she need just enough back to get a ride home, and the homeless lady denies she gave her jack shit. People are complicated, yo. And scarred. We don't do "selfLESS" easily. We're rarely given reason to.

There isn't too much action in LEGENDARY COUPLE. And what little there is isn't realistic by any stretch. Some solid stunts, explosons, gunplay, but overall this is not what the film is concerned with. Nevertheless, it's a shit ton of fun. Chingmy Yau especially gives one of her best, most natural performances. She gets a lot of shit for being a beauty pageant winner before being discovered by schlockmester Wong Jing, but she also co-starred in Stephen Chow's Royal Tramp movies, and she plainly can do this style of sincere comedy with rearkable ease.

This is the couple America needs right now. If you haven't taken the plunge yet, I highly recommend it.

Wtched with the Fridays of Fury Action Club, who are SubToretto, Adam, MushiMinion, Steve P, and Chronoh.

us on our LB forum Fridays of Fury if you like!

It's not my thing, but this was made for cult classic cinephilia.

An Aussie metal musical, starring the real life blink-and-you-missed-him metal rock star named Black Alice, about a dystopian future, nuclear war, time travel to the future via ittedly the most outlandish time travel explanation I think I've ever heard, and more. The costume and set designs are superb for the budget, if nevertheless headache-inducingly 80's. The script is right in line with the underground punk-flavored comics, books, and cinema of the era.

Director Gary L. Keady was smitten by musician Rob Hartley. So much so that he invited Rob to Singapore to record his first record, convinced him to change his band name from "Gypsy" to "Black Alice", and then began to manage Rob. Keady was so convinced that the world needed to hear Black Alice's music that he turned to crafting a short film in order to do so, a short version of what would later become SONS OF STEEL, titled KNIGHTMARE.

The short somehow managed to play before David Lynch's DUNE in theaters, and it caught the attention of Hollywood producers. Charles Band's Empire Films asked for a feature script, which creator Gary L. Keady wrote, and they were ready to finance but wouldn't let Keady direct and wanted to remove the Aussie-centric elements. Keady walked away, but still managed to raise $3M to make the film independently. Much to his dismay, however, he soon learned that this only meant ~$800K of actual production budget.

Still, he assembled a crack team of crew and away they went. Rob showed up to set with spiky blond hair which Keady promptly forced him to shave off, and then they added hair extensions in its place. Rob apparently stayed in Black Alice character at all times (which, from what I could tell, meant talking aggressively, posing like a WWE wrestler, and grunting a lot) including on the press tour afterward.

This fucking film went to CANNES. I'm in mild shock about that. (But only mild. Cannes, like Sundance, has strange taste in genre films, usually mistaking a film not entirely gelling as something artistic.) Shortly after Cannes they were up for an interview with film critic Margaret Pomeranz. Keady called Rob who - in his Black Alice voice - demanded money to do the interview. Keady was able to convince the producers to write Rob a check, but when Keady went to drop it off, Rob Heartley had hopped a plane back home to Perth. Keady never saw Rob again. To his knowledge, Rob became a monk.

So that's the story of both this movie and Black Alice - who released only the one album that Keady produced + this Sons of Steel soundtrack. Now I freely it that Heartly's voice is a gift. It gives me warm fuzzies to know that Keady was so enthralled by Rob's talent that he schemed to make him a star however he could - that's the kind of honest enthusiasm for another person's talent that I understand and empathize with. KNIGHTMARE and SONS OF STEEL isn't a bad legacy to leave behind.

But I'm not so sure Rob was the talent Keady pegged him to be. Voice? Check. Stage presence? Maybe. It's the stage presence of a professional wrestler, but a generic one. Acting chops? Hard no. Range in of style and substance? Maybe that could have come in time, but I don't see the evidence.

Now, if we want to talk about the movie's musical co-star, Jeff Duff, THERE'S a real talent worth deep diving into. His discography is eclectic and mesmerizing. His one song in the movie is far and away the best in of staging and feeling like a true narrative musical number. Jeff gives his best Rex Harrison impression followed by his best David Bowie, and it was the one musical number I was actually entertained by.

Keady has since continued the story of Black Alice in a series of novels. I don't think this movie left me with enough interest to check those out, but again, kudos to Keady for following his (obviously) lifelong ion.

I wish I wanted to say more about the movie itself, but I really don't. Others have said it and will say it better with their own ionate takes. For me, I'm mostly ambivalent. This is a noteworthy ion project. But not my bag.

Seen with BLACK COLLAB

"Over the course of many years, in the service of our mother the Church, let me tell you: there is one sin which I have come to fear above all others. Certainty.

Certainty is the great enemy of unity. Certainty is the deadly enemy of tolerance. Even Christ was not certain at the end. 'My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?' he cried out in his agony at the ninth hour on the cross.

Our faith is a *living* thing, precisely because it walks hand in hand with doubt. If there was only certainty and no doubt, there would be no mystery. And therefore no need for faith.

God grant us leaders who doubt."

Because those fucking lines are TIMELY.

Bumping my score up half a star. This is flawed, but really, really good when it's good.

Mild humor gives way to outright satire but it all works like a charm. Excellent natural performances and all performers get both the humor and the true class drama roiling underneath. There's equal parts energy and deadpan stillness. In a year where so many of the top films suffer significant flaws, ANORA stands out for being more or less precisely what it should be.

ACTION SCENES: 9
TOTAL ACTION TIME: 24.25/86 min. (28.2/100)
CHOREOGRAPHY: 8/10
STUNTS: 7/10
EDITING: 9/10
FINALE: 8/10
MISCELLANEOUS MENTIONS: Orca whale choreo - 1 extra point for pulling that off, but -1 point for what we now know is animal cruelty. Sigh...
TOTAL ACTION JUNKIE SCORE: 69.2

SEE ALL MOVIES RANKED IN ACTION JUNKIE ORDER.

I don't have much to add to my my previous review outside of my action junkie score above.

Though I also want to take a moment to cover the final moments of this movie a bit more in depth. I wrote before:

"Kelvin Wong is a phenomenal villain. He does a trick with a bow string and a severed head and some lovely pyrotechnics in his debut scene that makes you love this movie. There's also an Orca whale who jumps out of the water to beat the shit out of him during the finale. I'm not kidding. He's just THAT evil, mother nature was having none of it."

But holy shit, I didn't how over-the-top fatalistic the finale is! In a fascinating reversal of the finale of A MOMENT OF ROMANCE - which was the first "romantic action movie" movie we tackled for February in Fridays of Fury Action Club - Andy Lau is the last one standing and even he's technically hanging from a sword stabbed through his heart and embedded in a shattered giant tombstone.

Even those of us used to heroic bloodshed finales will be a bit gobsmacked, I think.

Also: "Sea-Wayne"? Sea-Wayne the Orca. Party on, Garth.

Fridays of Fury Action Club are SubToretto, Adam, and MushiMinion.

A 2 star story with 4.5 star execution.

A character makes a sober, quiet, empathy-focused speech during an emotionally heightened moment and this somehow convinces the majority of A RELIGIOUS ORGNIZATION to vote for kindness and empathy vs. aggression / moral righteousness.

Then this same character is revealed to have...

****SPOLIERS!!!!*****

...a uterus and ovaries. He was set to get an operation to become fully a male but then decided to remain "as God made me."

On the one hand, it's about this person making an amazing pope regardless. On the other, there's the "don't get an operation, remain as God made you" message which is...weird. Plainly not what the novelist or movie meant, I don't think, but that's a very muddy message regalrdless.

Acting = perfection. Cinematography and editing = award worthy. Story = it's already not aged well.

ACTION SCENES: 7
TOTAL ACTION TIME: 14.25/92 min. (15.6/100)
CHOREOGRAPHY: 7/10
STUNTS: 7/10
EDITING: 7/10
FINALE: 6/10
MISCELLANEOUS MENTIONS: None
TOTAL ACTION JUNKIE SCORE: 49.6

SEE ALL MOVIES RANKED IN ACTION JUNKIE ORDER.

One of the first fatalistic romance HK actioners a la Romeo + Juliet that set the trend. It views as somewhat cliche now, but only because it laid down many of said cliches.

the Fridays of Fury Action club here if you love action cinema and want to share the love for films like these!

This is one of the earliest films of director Benny Chan (Who Am I?, New Police Story, Gen-X Cops, Shaolin, Ragin Fire - RIP!) and kick-stared a trilogy of films that would all star Jacklyn Wu, two of which would star Andy Lau, and the final of which was directed by Johnnie To! But this first one set the stage, and seems like the one to beat.

Andy is the criminal badass with a heart of gold and Jacklyn Wu is the sheltered teen from a wealthy family who won't see their daughter hanging out with the likes of Andy. But when Andy kidnaps her to get away from a heist gone bad, she develops Stockholm syndrome and falls deeply madly in love with him and the rest is exactly the movie you'd expect. But with excellent HK action.

Ng Man-Tat play his usual Ng Man-Tat self, the same role he plays in Shaolin Soccer and a host of other movies but you have to it - the guy is really good at playing that role. I hope to stumble across another dozen movies where he does the same.

The romance is silly but heartfelt, earnest. The finale is proper HK insanity with a head injury that leads to anime levels of blood gushing out of Andy Lau's nose and honestly I keep thinking about that more than anything else. It's pretty great.

If you're looking for something a *little* different in HK action, and want to see a tragic Romeo + Juliet love ballad overlaid on it, put this one on. I'm definitely interested in the sequels now.

Fridays of Fury Action Club are SubToretto, Adam, and MushiMinion.

I teared up THREE TIMES in the final moments. I dare anyone not to do the same.

The forgotten story of the Nation Women's Football League in America in the 1970's. Women who thought their story would remain forgotten, but this documentary gives it new life, and brings it into context with the current, burgeoning new NWFL.

Beautifully paced, great storytelling and real people you can't help but cheer for. WATCH THIS.

Full write up + wine pairing (yeah, you read that right) at my Substack!

Hysterically, I went in blind - I didn't even know this was supposed to be a musical!!! WTF?!?

So the first half was absolutely mesmerizing. I loved that the music was so offputting and unmelodic. A drug lord who desperately wants a sex change operation then be reunited with his family? Who the hell thought of this?!?

Plainly the actors we're 100% on board. Some of the scenes are excellently shot and constructed. I did not know about the controvery with the star until I Googled it after watching. Oopsie.

But even without the controversy, the second half of this movie is quite strange, and dissonant with its first half. What was it trying to explore? To say? The point and purpose of such a daring movie seemed to be lost when it entered its inexplicably plot twisty and violent final act.

But I do applaud that this thing exists, bizarre, disharmonic, and as much of a misfie as it ultimately proves to be.

It does lose its way in the final act, which nevertheless stands out as a grand guignol Tsukimoto punk splatterfest. (Also - excellent SOCIETY style final creature design.)

But the first two acts are examples of truly excellent slow burn body horror - thematically coherent with its self-hate and anti-self-care metaphors. You can almost FEEL how they wrote and rewrote to find the right ending, but couldn't quite stick the landing outside of making it visually memorable.

Nevertheless quite recommended, if you're one of the few who hasn't taken the plunge yet. Demi should be a shoo-in for the you-know-what award.

ACTION SCENES: 12
TOTAL ACTION TIME: 36/91.5 min. (39.3/100)
CHOREOGRAPHY: 8/10
STUNTS: 8/10
EDITING: 8/10
FINALE: 8/10
MISCELLANEOUS MENTIONS: None
TOTAL ACTION JUNKIE SCORE: 80

SEE ALL MOVIES RANKED IN ACTION JUNKIE ORDER.

The least ed of the Yuens - Brandy Yuen of the Yuen Woo-Ping Clan and Yuen Biao of the Seven Little Fortunes group - team up to make a martial arts movie that, shocker, no one re. One that revolves around soccer. (Sorry, "football". Don't make me type that again the week of the Superbowl, yo.)

the Fridays of Fury Action club here if you love action cinema and want to share the love for films like these!

Now, this wasn't as far out an idea as one might think - there was a Hong Kong celebrity soccer team that played for years prior to this. A team with a revolving roster that included Yuen Biao, Jackie Chan, Sammo Hung, Andy Lau, Eric Tsang, Lau Kar-Leung, Micheal Miu, Shing Fui-On, Corey Yuen, Felix Wong, the list goes on. This was an amateur team that would take on national teams in "friendly matches" each year, usually the team from Japan, and strut their stuff. Soccer was a beloved sport by these stars, and fairly popular to local audiences.

So When Brandy Yuen - the Yuen Clan brother absolutely no one ever thinks about - decided to direct his first feature film, he jumped to create a martial arts soccer film, filled with acrobatic feats of sportsball derring do and a fair shake of actual fighting, too.

Yuen Biao was naturally free to take the lead as he was not in demand even a little bit and they matched him against Taiwanese bad ass Dick Wei then stuck Moon Lee in a non-action role because they didn't know what else to do with a woman it's totally not their fault.

Not using Moon Lee in any worthwhile way is a sin, but outside of this, THE CHAMPIONS is pure Golden Age GOLD. The comedy is cringey in GOOD ways, the acting is bad is EXCEPTIONALLY CRINGE ways. And the action is just flat out entertaining.

Lots of locker room roughhousing. Lots of Dick (Wei) measuring. Nothing gay about this movie. Nope.

If you're looking for a lost almost-classic, have a hankering for Golden Age HK, and want something a little bit bent...er...different, then I recommend THE CHAMPIONS* highly. The new blu ray from Eureka is a beaut.

Fridays of Fury Action Club are SubToretto, Adam, and MushiMinion.

Fuck yes. A much more entertaining, surprisingly rom com version of BLACK SWAN.

I had a rare free evening with nothing I *needed* to watch or read or study or nada, so I thought I'd knock something off my never-ending watchlist but the modern day equivalent of procrastination is ignoring your watchlist entirely and going where the winds of remote control clicking take you, so instead I stumbled on to this film, YOUR MONSTER, on HBO Max (eat me, HBO, you're still HBO.)

I'd never even heard of it, and it starred Melissa Barrera, authentically brave instagram warrior who spoke out about the plight of Palestinians and was booted from the SCREAM franchise for it, and honestly, for that alone I'd follow her to whatever she's cast in next.

The first half is a strange sort of hybrid of of 80's, 90's, and 00's teen rom com, with that Teen Wolf / Warm Bodies horror genre slant to it. It seems like it's going to be harmelss fun, and not much else, but the second half does some surprising shit.

The ramp up of the actual romance, the end-of-second-act cliffhanger, then the slow burn finale that explodes in an awesome, blood-soaked musical number.

This was the feature directorial debut of Caroline Lindy, based on her short film of the same name, and I'll definitely be keeping an eye out for her next thing. I also wasn't familiar with co-lead Tommy Dewey, not having seen his regular TV gigs, but he'll also be on my radar from hereon out.

If you're in the modd for something frilly and fun with a dash of the sinister and the thought-provoking, this is an easy 100 minutes of exactly that.

ACTION SCENES: 8
TOTAL ACTION TIME: 47.5/102.5 min. (46.3/100)
CHOREOGRAPHY: 10/10
STUNTS: 10/10
EDITING: 10/10
FINALE: 10/10
MISCELLANEOUS MENTIONS: 1 minute of outtakes (1 point)
TOTAL ACTION JUNKIE SCORE: 95.3

SEE ALL MOVIES RANKED IN ACTION JUNKIE ORDER.

My favorite Jackie Chan film. And the first to score a perfect 10/10/10/10 on my action junkie scorecard. It was not a box office success. Because people are fucking idiots.

the Fridays of Fury Action club here if you love action cinema and want to share the love for films like these!

There is so much creativity on display in this movie, which is, ittedly, barely an "action" movie. This was Jackie exploring everything and the kitchen sink in of putting displays of physical prowess and comedy on the screen, with "action" or "combat" taking a back seat. But jesus god what a ride!

We get:

-An entire soccer match where they don't use a soccer ball but a goddman shuttlecock. Yeah, that thing you hit in bton. Here, all players have to hackey sack de s-cock using anything but their hands, never let it touch the ground, and somehow knock it into the goal. This is an EPIC 12-minute sequence of shockingly long takes that has never been seen before or since. It took them a month to film this one scene.

-A comedy routine where Jackie has to recite ancient Chinese poetry to his father, poetry he didn't bother to memorize, so he prances about the room reading it off of places it's been written down, without his father noticing he's doing it. GOLD.

-A rooftop sequence where enemies jab spears upward through the roof while Jackie tries to get across it. That sounds simple and Looney Tunes-ish but trust me, it is and it isn't. This 6-minute sequence must have taken an insane amount of time to plan and coordinate.

-The hand-down best Jackie Chan finale before Drunken Master II came to be. This is the first time Jackie doesn't fight someone in an open field, but instead has it take place in a barn with multiple floors and using the scenery in utterly jaw-dropping ways. Korean bad-ass Hwang In-shik (who's still kickin' it at 84 years of age today!) is imo the best Jackie villain to ever be. He far outdoes his own performance in YOUNG MASTER here. The stunts that are peppered into the fighting are some of the most visceral Jackie has ever done.

-A full 12 minutes of movie AFTER the finale! What is this avant garde shit?!?? There's an opening and then a lengthy 7 minute post-finale setpiece that is what the opening of ONG BAK is riffing on with the Thai stuntpeople all climbing and tumbling from a tall tree. In Dragon Lord, they switch from soccer "football" to an American "football" being the ball, with no-holds-barred tackling. It's unique and bizarre and fucking wild and even though it was weird to jump to this after the finale, man, you don't mind it at all, it's so insane to behold.

DRAGON LORD is a potpourri of Jackie wearing his influences on his sleeve - the silent film era stuntmen and comedians. It's Jackie flexing his creative muscles in ways he rarely would again - though he would pepper a bit into his movies here and there, we never again got a showcase like this.

There isn't much fighting here - the first proper "fight" happens over an hour into the film. And there's only that brief skirmish and then the finale, in of fighting.

But how can you care? When the creativity is this creative? When the non-fighting setpieces are this insane? And when the finale delivers so much in - at long last! - its one real fight?

Shout out to MARS, who is to Jackie what Xiong XinXin is to Jet Li, the ultimate stunt double for the craziest stunts, with an energy and style that is so perfectly Yang to Jackie's Yin, and who ultimately does two of the craziest, most cringe-inducing stunts of the movie.

Jackie and Mars are so young, in their absolute prime, they can seemingly do anything, and they do exactly that. THE best Jackie Chan film.

Fridays of Fury Action Club are SubToretto, Adam, and MushiMinion.

Scrappy DIY project from the Blaxploitation era, but even scrappier and more DIY than most. There isn't much fighting ot martial arts happening here, though there is a scintilla. Mostly it's young black men wandering the street of their city fronting and getting into trouble. When a fight does break out, they chose a pretty interesting approach to filming it - entirely bird's-eye-view, from afar. Someone sat up on a tall building and shot downward. We've seen flashes of this in action cinema before, but never an entire fight!

Ultimately, there wasn't enough action here to add it to my Action Junkie Scorecard, but if you're interested in ultra-indie cinema of this period, and want a pretty wild and organic-looking final fight, this is a fascinating 1 hour to commit to.

Streaming on the ARROW platform.

ACTION SCENES: 9
TOTAL ACTION TIME: 37.75/100 min. (37.75/100)
CHOREOGRAPHY: 8/10
STUNTS: 7/10
EDITING: 9/10
FINALE: 7/10
MISCELLANEOUS MENTIONS: None.
TOTAL ACTION JUNKIE SCORE: 77.75

SEE ALL MOVIES RANKED IN ACTION JUNKIE ORDER.

Watching the ONCE UPON A TIME IN CHINA franchise in reverse order, because that's how I roll.

This is the 6th and final offical release of the franchise, which transplants the whole ordeal from China to America.

Right off the bat, this is a silly, silly movie, but also pure entertainment. It's always a bit odd to see the great Sammo Hung working with heavy wirework, but he did that a bit in his late career and this was the style for the OUaTiC franchise, and Sammo can choreo anything so we get some pretty great wirework action here.

This movie has a solid rep - after Jet Li left the franchise and was replaced by Vincent Zhang for entires IV and V, many were unconvinced, and thought the action was going a bit off the rails, overly undercranked, the stories more and more absurd (or so I've heard.)

Jet returned for this 6th entry, directed and choreo'd by Sammo, and this was 1997 - martial arts cinema had been on a swift decline in those years. Any hint of a return to greatness was swallowed whole and we were greatful for it, any of it, all of it.

Originally meant to be titled "Once Upon a Time in America," because it all takes place in America, but Sergio Leone beat Sammo to that punch, so "China and America" it was. Wong Fei-Hung has traveled to the American frontier alnogside Rosamund Kwan as Aunt Yee and Xiong XinXin as "Seven", I think both are series regulars.

They are quickly ambushed by native americans, all cast by white guys. Thankfully, the movie soon gives at least a *little* better treatment to the natives later in the movie, as Fei-Hung loses his memory and s a tribe. They can't communicate so they smile at each other a lot - honestly, this is Jet Li at his most charismatic, where he just gets to not understand what anyone is saying and be friendly anyway. Plus, the Chinese can sympathize with the natives in of being people that, at the time, had their land taken from them and were subjugated by foreigners.

Anywho, the local white dudes soon get up to no good but "Billy" (the Kid, obviously) played by stuntman Jeff Wolfe, s the Chinese to fight back, and help Fei-Hung restore his memory.

The film is breezy, the action well done and fun. The humor largely hits. There are some misteps: some of the cultural/race humor is...dated. Was dated even in 1997, but by HK standards this was on pretty good behavior there. Roger Yuan is inexplicably underused - he shows up, is obviously a bad ass, but then is dispatched suddenly before the finale. I suspect he must have pissed off Sammo or something like that. His character is PLAINLY being set up to be a major end boss, and then...poof. Nada. He would have made a perfect end boss for Xiong Xinxin!

(Can I also just say how extremely good XinXin is - he is Jet Li's stunt double on top of being a major ing character, and he can do the humor even better than Jet, it's such a shame he never became a bigger on-camera action star.)

The finale is still pretty good - Joe Sayah (who was also a villain in the Sammo directed Jackie Chan flick MR. NICEGUY) makes a decent end boss. The action is creative and interesting (boot spurs as killing weapons, a great water tower bout) but my biggest complaint with this movie is that Wong Fei-Hung is absolutely invincible. He's untouchable. He goes essentially untouched for the whole movie, unless ambushed. In an actual fight? Not one blow lands on him. So the stakes are...non-existent.

So coming into this 6th entry before watching 1-5, this feels a little weak. I want a hero who isn't perfect in every physical way. I want a story that's a bit more multi-faceted. But beyond these flaws, OUaTiCaM is still a silly fun time in the Wild West wtih a Chinese folk hero bringing the new wave wirework fu. We'll see how the Vincent Zhao entries fare next!

ONCE UPON A TIME IN CHINA: KICKBOXER
ONCE UPON A TIME IN CHINA AND AMERICA (THIS REVIEW)
ONCE UPON A TIME IN CHINA V
ONCE UPON A TIME IN CHINA IV
ONCE UPON A TIME IN CHINA III
ONCE UPON A TIME IN CHINA II
ONCE UPON A TIME IN CHINA

A well-made biopic, that's surprisingly 2 films in 1. The first half is a typical Nolan-esque, dynamic yet overbearing and brooding drama. It tracks the creation of the first atom bomb, and the beginnings of the first Hydrogen bomb.

Then we segue into a THE USUAL SUSPECTS style political mystery-thriller, with its own Keyser Soze and all. Was there a spy in the Manhattan Project group? Who's trying to frame Oppenheimer as a spy or at least as a security threat? I didn't actually know about this part of history, so it was enlightening and at times authentically thrilling as I had no idea how it would resolve.

All in all, an overlong, but well made modern historical drama. Certainly better constructed and better considered than Nolan's sci-fi adventures.

ACTION SCENES: 8
TOTAL ACTION TIME: 21.75/89 min. (24.4/100)
CHOREOGRAPHY: 8/10
STUNTS: 7/10
EDITING: 8/10
FINALE: 7/10
MISCELLANEOUS MENTIONS: None.
TOTAL ACTION JUNKIE SCORE: 62.4

SEE ALL MOVIES RANKED IN ACTION JUNKIE ORDER.

Watching the ONCE UPON A TIME IN CHINA franchise in reverse order, because that's how I roll.

KICKBOXER, or "Once Upon a Chinese Hero", was once upon a time referred to as "Once Upon a Time in China 7: Kickboxer", and it's not hard to see why. We follow the same Wong Fei-Hung folk hero, just as young and impetuous as ever, in his historical place within turn of the century China, where East was meeting West in of technology and culture clash with the British, with the same new wave martial arts throwdowns you'd expect.

Even watching this one first, there's something old and tired feeling about the subgenre right from the start, even though technically this was made in-between ONCE UPON A TIME IN CHINA 3 and 4. The non-remastered picture quality with old-skool English dubbing doesn't help, but it's not solely to blame. This movie is hitting beats, checking off boxes, doing precisely what it needs to do with little in the way of originality. But that's okay, because it definitely delivers the goods where it counts.

Youngest Wheel on a Meal, Yuen Biao, was coming off his directorial debut with KID FROM TIBET (1992). Apparently he hated the experience, couldn't stand the responsibility and constant decision making, but he still had a fledgling production company in need of new material ("Yuen Biao Productions". Yuen...was plainly not the most creative of his Seven Fortunes brothers. Case in point: he returned to the Wong Fei-Hung chracter after *just* having co-starred in the original, first entry of the franchise.)

So he handed directing duties over to HK staple Wu Ma, but kept Action Director duties and decided to star in his own Wong Fei-hung vehicle.

And it's pretty damn good, considering we'd been there / done that about 2 dozen times across the new wave HK sphere. The story is actually somewhat twisty, and the characters could have been truly endearing is the writing had been more up to snuff. I actually felt bad for Biao's corrupted old friend in the movie - he seemed authentically like a decent guy who just kept getting wailed on by his criminal bosses and Biao's self-righteous hero combined.

The action is quite good, though the movie still drags in places, as the events in-between the set pieces is repetitive, or completely ripped from better versions of this movie.

The final scenes have an incredible fight between a metal-shoes-wearing Biao and Chen Shan (fuck can this guy move! You've seen him in low budget greats like SHAOLIN VS. LAMA, A HEROIC FIGHT, NINJA HUNTER, and MAGIC WARRIORS) and then a rematch with his ICEMAN COMETH co-star and fellow Little Fortune, Yuen Wah.

All in all an above average 90's martial arts outing, but not *too* above average. And not nearly wild enough to be truly memorable. Let's see what going backwards into the thick of the main series bring me.

ONCE UPON A TIME IN CHINA: KICKBOXER (THIS REVIEW)
ONCE UPON A TIME IN CHINA AND AMERICA
ONCE UPON A TIME IN CHINA V
ONCE UPON A TIME IN CHINA IV
ONCE UPON A TIME IN CHINA III
ONCE UPON A TIME IN CHINA II
ONCE UPON A TIME IN CHINA

ACTION SCENES: 4
TOTAL ACTION TIME: 25.25/84 min. (30.1/100)
CHOREOGRAPHY: 5/10
STUNTS: 4/10
EDITING: 8/10
FINALE: 6/10
MISCELLANEOUS MENTIONS: This movie is bananas.
TOTAL ACTION JUNKIE SCORE: 57.1

SEE ALL MOVIES RANKED IN ACTION JUNKIE ORDER.

the Fridays of Fury Action club here if you love action cinema and want to share the love for films like these!

I'm familiar with director Jeffrey Lau, a sort of Hong Kong Michael Bay - while Bay rips off Hong Kong cinema for Americans, Jeffrey Lau rips of Hong Kong while still inside Hong Kong.

In his early years he pumped out some honestly decent stuff when he worked with Stephen Chow, including A CHINESE ODYSSEY, OUT OF THE DARK, and ALL FOR THE WINNER. Ironically, we just watched Chow's own SHAOLIN SOCCER and followed it up with this late-career Jeffrey Lau abomination, and the differences between the two couldn't be more stark.

"Governor, why do those players look so odd?"
"People willing to work for the government always look like that."

SOCCER KILLER sounds like a cult cinephile's wet dream:
It takes place in feudal China and kingdoms settle disputes with soccer matches. The evil team consists of the X-Men and Avengers (no, I'm not kidding, it's literally the characters from the Marvel movies, I guess cuz Disney is the "evil kingdom"?) And that's the whole joke - the Marvel characters are just there. And don't even get me started on the stabs at gender comedy.

The plot? Yeah, good luck with that. What I was able to decipher: a princess won't marry someone so two kingdoms have to duke it out on the soccer field. And if the princess' kingdom loses? I have no idea, but something terrible, I'm sure. They have 7 martial arts elders who serve as their soccer team, played by legends like Corey Yuen (RIP!), Yuen Cheung-Yan, Fung Hak-On, Chung Fat, and Chiu Chi-Ling. One of the "elders" is even played by Lam Tze-Chung - "Light Weight" from Shaolin Soccer! 16 years later and looking not a year older!

"Anyone who's seen a wuxia film knows that martial arts warriors only have one set of clothes."

The problem is, the movie only has 2 soccer matches. One about a third of the way in and then at the finale. They ANNOUNCE a number of other matches...which we never see (wtf?) Instead, the film is primarily a rom-com, following two hucksters and the guy's romance with the princess. It's not unbearable - the two female leads are played by Charlene Choi and Gillian Chung, "The Twins", a pop act turned actresses whom I've loved in martial arts flicks TWINS EFFECT 1 & 2 and TWINS MISSION. But it goes ON and ON and ON.

The finale is something to behold, both for good and ill. We finally get the elders vs. the Avengers/X-Men. It's wild and wooly though largely non-sensical. There is a blood transfusion scene during a moment of downtime that is authentically funny, worthy of Mel Brooks. But then we return to the field for one of the worst pieces of propaganda ever ever ever. "The People" take the field. "The People" save the day. Well, almost.

Actually the Monkey King and the 8 Immortals then take the field, then these incredibly random CGI sexy Chinese dancing girls dancing on clouds from heaven who then don demon masks and become a sort of golden Bodhisattva who single-handedly wipes the floor with the Avengers/X-Men, aka the Heroes of The West, plainly, being beat by the Heroes of the East. None of this is set-up, mind you. It just happens.

"Dang, stop vomiting!"

The director himself performs as the villainous Minister of the kingdom. I can't entirely hate on SOCCER KILLER. It's so bizarre, so random, so censored and shaped to be toothless and mild, yet it's still wild in of what gets tossed into the pot. It stars so many HK faces whom I love. Is it a good movie? Christ, no. It makes you appreciate how universal and accessible Stephen Chow's comedy in SHAOLIN SOCCER was.

But is SOCCER KILLER worth seeing?

I have no idea how to answer that.

Fridays of Fury Action Club are SubToretto, Adam, and MushiMinion.

ACTION SCENES: 13
TOTAL ACTION TIME: 35.5/112 min. (31.7/100)
CHOREOGRAPHY: 7/10
STUNTS: 5/10
EDITING: 9/10
FINALE: 7/10
MISCELLANEOUS MENTIONS: None
TOTAL ACTION JUNKIE SCORE: 72.7

SEE ALL MOVIES RANKED IN ACTION JUNKIE ORDER.

I was never a fan of SHAOLIN SOCCER.

I'm not sure if I saw Stephen Chow's GOD OF COOKERY first, though I don't think I ever clocked that it was the same comedian, either way. I recall adoring God of Cookery - I was infatuated with the Chinese IRON WOK JAN manga at the time, a manga that seems like it was the basis for God of Cookery, but wasn't. (GoC was just a parody of GOD OF GAMBLERS.)

Anyway, I then came to adore KUNG FU HUSTLE, the movie that cemented in my head who Stephen Chow was, and I've never looked back in my love for his style ever since.

An YET...I never went back to rewatch Shaolin Soccer. Until now.

the Fridays of Fury Action club here if you love action cinema and want to share the love for films like these!

Back in 2001, SS was a movie thrust upon the American public by the Weinsteins, much as CROUCHING TIGER, HIDDEN DRAGON was, or the innumerable Jet Li travesties we willed into being with money and little other understanding of the talent on display. I was still a neophyte in my HK viewing; I had *just* figured out why Jackie Chan and Jet Li were cool, and so I wanted more of that, more of the same.

Instead, I saw Shaolin Soccer and got janky CGI, deadpan humor, whacked-out wire-fu, and I doubt I (yet) had the context to truly appreciate most of it. I'm somewhat shocked so much of America did, or didn't need it and just adored the wacky comedy and unique (to us) subject matter.

But revisiting Shaolin Soccer roughly a quarter of a century later, and this movie really holds up. The "janky" CGI meshes perfectly with the cartoon shenanigans. The soccer matches are beautifully realized with real storytelling and character development beats. Choreo'd by Tony Ching Siu-Tung (Swordsman 1-3, Duel to the Death) the OG of wire-fu jankiness done right, I can now see how meticulously put together the whole affair is.

The actors are likewise perfectly cast and know how to deliver Chow's style of comedy. There's an outtake during the end credits, an alternative line reading of a scene where Tenky Tin Kai-Man (the guy with the iron stomach) cell phone calls a woman to tell her he loves her before possibly being obliterated by a superhuman kick from the rival team. In the alt take, he professes his love, then a man replies. Tenky, unfazed, deadpan, says "Oh, sorry, well please that message on to your wife, bye." He then hangs up and faces forward to meet his fate. Genius.

Also shout out to Mo Mei-Lin, a national Chinese gymnast-turned-actor, who brought the "hooking leg" jams.

I thought Vicki Zhao Wei was on the team more, and not a last minute addition near the end, that was slightly a bummer as she is SO. GOOD. I do appreciate that Chow allowed his character to be somewhat as a self-involved ass on the romance front, barely redeemed by the end.

All in all one of the most unique, clever, funny, and authentically nail-biting sports movies ever made. If you've got the jones for a sports movie that isn't the same old same old, put Shaolin Soccer on.

Fridays of Fury Action Club are SubToretto, Adam, and MushiMinion.

ACTION SCENES: 11
TOTAL ACTION TIME: 41.75/99.5 min. (42/100)
CHOREOGRAPHY: 10/10
STUNTS: 9/10
EDITING: 9/10
FINALE: 10/10
MISCELLANEOUS MENTIONS:None
TOTAL ACTION JUNKIE SCORE: 91

SEE ALL FILMS RANKED IN ACTION JUNKIE ORDER!

CHANG CHEH FILMOGRAPHY #63/90

WOW. This is the Venoms firing on every cylinder imaginable. Also, one of the best final freezeframes. Especially if you're British, then it's extra cheeky.

I have no idea who that long-haired, red-bandanaed, knife-wielding white guy in the poster is (he's not in the movie, AT ALL) but the scene below him is definitely in this movie, and it's pretty awesome.

The Venoms play a ragtag group of street acrobats (the title is aka "Magnificent Acrobats"), and half this film is just them putting on acrobatic shows on in said street, but this is using their skills in the best way - we really get to see all that they can do, on pure unadulterated display.

And there IS a story! Plus plenty of straight-up action! A military coup is staged and muscle man Lo Meng is forced to flee after his father is killed. He returns to his childhood friend, one of the street acrobats, and together they plot revenge.

This leads to a second half that is almost King Hu-ian in its military/warlord politics, but the fine details really don't matter - it all leads to one of the hands-down best finales in Shaw Bros history.

Taking place in a warehouse, with a vast array of architecture, crates, barrels, bags, ropes, and more used in the choreography. This was, of course, the era where Jackie Chan style action was starting to take off, and plainly the Venoms were inspired, and they deliver a group throwdown the likes of which I don't think I've ever seen in of sheer acrobatic coordination, speed, and imagination.

Shout out to Wong Lik as the main villain - his face is familiar, but I don't think I'd ever truly clocked him as an actor until this film, but holy shit does he deliver in the finale! Also Yang Hsiung as a kicker par excellance.

THE DAREDEVILS is pure entertainment from beginning to end, with some of the best Venoms action and choreo yet staged by that time. The combination of Rrobert Tai with the Venoms themselves as action directors keeps going from strength to strength. If you've been sleeping on this one, don't.

NEXT UP, :
THE MAGNIFICENT RUFFIANS

INTRODUCING THE ACTION JUNKIE SCORE:
I've long wanted to put together some kind of action-based scoring system, and I'm gonna give it a whirl here. This may evolve a bit as I continue doing action cinema reviews. is appreciated!

To see any film's score, click to "Read Notes" or the little eyeglasses icon in the upper right corner.

Please note that the below is an "Action Junkie" score. This is mostly a score to inform how satisfied your action junkie self will be. The film may still be a complete POS or absolute masterpiece besides! Though the grading does take into consideration how well the action enhances the story and/or charactes.

It works like so:
This is not "out of 100" or any limitation like that. Each film gets points for the below items, and it's content will determine how high it's score gets to go. The higher the total number, the more perfect a movie for action junkies it is. Quality of action is taken into consideration as much as quantity.

Points are earned for the following:

TOTAL ACTION SCENES
Total number of action scenes that are longer than 30 seconds. Brief skirmishes or a momentary stunt doesn't count. Chases only count if there is stuntwork throughout. There must be at least 1 minute of non-action time in-between fights - that doesn't include posturing or dialogue between the same combatants - for the next scene to be considered its own scene. 1 point per scene.
TOTAL ACTION TIME
Number of minutes out of total runtime. The score here is a ratio, so if there were 30 minutes of action in a 90 minute movie, it would be 30/90min. or a 33% ratio, so it would score 33/100 points in this section.

CHOREOGRAPHY
A possible score of 1-10
10 - There has never been anything better, before or since. It may not be perfection, but only because perfecton isn't achievable.
9 - As intense and jaw-dropping as they come, though a select few have done it better.
8 - Exceptional choreo, non-stop inventiveness.
7 - Very good choreo, minor inventiveness.
6 - The low end of the truly worthwhile. Solid combinations that offer a level of visceral intensity to the action.
5 - Complex combinations, fancy foot and hand work, but nothing inspired.
4 - Getting flashy, but little to no complex combinations. Think JCDV and Gary Daniel kicks.
3 - Basic Western telegraphed strikes and/or point and shoot gunplay, done competently.
2 - A handful of punches and kicks are thrown. Slowly and/or awkwardly.
1 - There is literally no choreography

STUNTS
A possible score of 1-10
10 - When people talk about stunts, they're talking about these stunts.
9 - Mind-blowing stunts that make you want to look up how many people died, but then you don't because that would be depressing.
8 - Cream of the crop, everything you want in a stunt-filled movie, but minimal boundary pushing.
7 - Painful falls, incredible leaps, scaling walls freestyle, cars being driven like skateboards, etc.
6 - The low end of the truly worthwhile. Either one or two incredible stunts or regular hard falls, smashing through glass panes, cars doing expert maneuvers, etc.
5 - The average of American DTV: lots of being thrown into things and over things, some cars being driven fast and maybe one turning over, etc.
4 - A few good stunt moments, done competently. Nothing stellar.
3 - Regular stuntwork, but all of it amateur.
2 - Just a single awkward stunt or two.
1 - There's nothing here you'd consider a stunt.

EDITING
A possible score of 1-10
10 - Action editing that reinvents the wheel and succeeds on every front.
9 - Action editing that is essentially half the choreography, and succeeds on every front.
8 - Editing that enhances the action and stuntwork but mostly stays out of the way.
7 - Editing that is exactly what it should be, nothing more, nothing less.
6 - Editing that is sometimes flashy or a new style but that does not ultimately enhance the action.
5 - Workmanlike. Matbe some action is seen well, but the editing neither assists nor detracts. It's just there.
4 - A few well edited sequences, but overall doesn't suit the action.
3 - Editing largely at odds with the action on display.
2 - Editing that ruins action pretty much single handedly.
1 - Editing so off the mark it's like they didn't have an editor, they just randomly lined up clips the way a slot machine lines up symbols.

FINALE
A possible score of 1-10
10 - There has never been anything better, before or since. It may not be perfection, but only because perfecton isn't achievable.
9 - As intense and jaw-dropping as they come, though a select few have done it better.
8 - Above and beyond. A finale that can make an entire movie, and/or blows away everything that came before it.
7 - The total package as a finale, electrifying from start to finish.
6 - Moments you won't forget, and the rest a satisfying action payoff.
5 - A straight-up satisfying finish (but nothing more)
4 - A mostly fine finale, but not entirely satisfying
3 - Some good moments/ideas, but overall a letdown
2 - A complete anti-climax
1 - There is literally no action finale fight/climax

MISCELLANEOUS MENTIONS
For those bits that don't fit into any proper category, but should definitely contribute to any film's action junkie score.
1 point is earned for each micellaneous element present Examples include:
-Does it have an opening martial arts presentation?
-Outtakes in the credits?
-A dance routine?
-A gymnast routine?
And so on. Displays of physical prowess that help do it for the action junkie, they offer only single points, but they do offer that.

1. Ninja in the Dragon's Den

   ACTION SCENES: 13
   TOTAL ACTION TIME: 50 /96 min. (52.1/100)
   CHOREOGRAPHY: 10/10
   STUNTS: 10/10
   EDITING: 9/10
   FINALE: 10/10
   MISCELLANEOUS MENTIONS:
   TOTAL ACTION JUNKIE SCORE: 103.1

2. In the Line of Duty 4

   ACTION SCENES: 17 (!!!)
   TOTAL ACTION TIME: 44.5/95 min. (46.8/100)
   CHOREOGRAPHY: 10/10
   STUNTS: 10/10
   EDITING: 9/10
   FINALE: 10/10
   MISCELLANEOUS MENTIONS: None
   TOTAL ACTION JUNKIE SCORE: 102.8

3. The Fantastic Magic Baby

   ACTION SCENES: 5
   TOTAL ACTION TIME: 39.5/60 min. (65.8/100)
   CHOREOGRAPHY: 8/10
   STUNTS: 7/10
   EDITING: 8/10
   FINALE: 8/10
   MISCELLANEOUS MENTIONS:
   Soooo many things: a baton throwing/hackey sacking sequence, a two-man costume of a centaur that fights off a horde of villains, sudden bouts of backflipping and cartwheeling as though a physical manifestation of Tourette's. But it's all a part of the actual action and choreography, so it's not giving any additional points.
   TOTAL ACTION JUNKIE SCORE: 101.8

4. Broken Path

   ACTION SCENES: 10
   TOTAL ACTION TIME: 50.5/90 min. (56.1/100)
   CHOREOGRAPHY: 8/10
   STUNTS: 8/10
   EDITING: 8/10
   FINALE: 8/10
   MISCELLANEOUS MENTIONS:
   TOTAL ACTION JUNKIE SCORE: 98.1

5. Dragon Lord

   ACTION SCENES: 8
   TOTAL ACTION TIME: 47.5/102.5 min. (46.3/100)
   CHOREOGRAPHY: 10/10
   STUNTS: 10/10
   EDITING: 10/10
   FINALE: 10/10
   MISCELLANEOUS MENTIONS: 1 minute of outtakes (1 point)
   TOTAL ACTION JUNKIE SCORE: 95.3

6. Ong Bak

   ACTION SCENES: 9
   TOTAL ACTION TIME: 49.5/105 min. (47.1/100)
   CHOREOGRAPHY: 10/10
   STUNTS: 10/10
   EDITING: 9/10
   FINALE: 9/10
   MISCELLANEOUS MENTIONS: None
   TOTAL ACTION JUNKIE SCORE: 94.1

7. The Young Master

   ACTION SCENES: 9
   TOTAL ACTION TIME: 50.5/106 min. (47.6/100)
   CHOREOGRAPHY: 9/10
   STUNTS: 7/10
   EDITING: 9/10
   FINALE: 10/10
   MISCELLANEOUS MENTIONS: None
   TOTAL ACTION JUNKIE SCORE: 91.6

8. The Shaolin Avengers

   ACTION SCENES: 9
   TOTAL ACTION TIME: 44.5/92.5 min. (48.1/100)
   CHOREOGRAPHY: 8/10
   STUNTS: 7/10
   EDITING: 8/10
   FINALE: 8/10
   MISCELLANEOUS MENTIONS:
   Opening Martial Arts Demonstration (1 point)
   Two Kung Fu Training Sequences (2 points)
   TOTAL ACTION JUNKIE SCORE: 91.1

9. The Daredevils

   ACTION SCENES: 11
   TOTAL ACTION TIME: 41.75/99.5 min. (42/100)
   CHOREOGRAPHY: 10/10
   STUNTS: 9/10
   EDITING: 9/10
   FINALE: 10/10
   MISCELLANEOUS MENTIONS:None
   TOTAL ACTION JUNKIE SCORE: 91

10. Kickboxer's Tears

    ACTION SCENES: 7
    TOTAL ACTION TIME: 46/93.5 min. (49.2/100)
    CHOREOGRAPHY: 8/10
    STUNTS: 8/10
    EDITING: 8/10
    FINALE: 8/10
    MISCELLANEOUS MENTIONS: Training sequence! (1 point)
    TOTAL ACTION JUNKIE SCORE: 89.2

...plus 134 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Asian action films that have flown under the Western radar and/or are simply hard to find. Or both. And are high on my list of hidden gems/favorites.
Please note that this list includes pure thrillers!

• The Miracle Fighters
• Killer's Nocturne
• Flaming Brothers
• On the Run
• Mirage
• A Terra-Cotta Warrior
• Magic Cop
• Kickboxer's Tears
• Rock N'Roll Cop
• License to Steal

...plus 43 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

A list of films with fake movies that play within them, or fake movies that are filmed, or fake actors with fake lists of filmographies.

• Love and Death on Long Island
• Once Upon a Time... in Hollywood
• Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie
• Demons
• The Fall Guy
• Clouds of Sils Maria
• Scott Pilgrim vs. the World
• Funny People
• Last Action Hero
• Berberian Sound Studio

...plus 2 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Where I review all 90 films of Chang Cheh's career. He gets director credit on 94, but 3 of them were early co-directing credits where he was mentoring under bigger directors who actually called the shots, and another film, TIGER BOY, Cheh's first true directorial debut, has never been released in any home video format, and no known prints of the film still exist, and so for now is simply "lost" and unavailable).

But all the others? I own them all, so let's get to it.

I will add them as I watch them over (I assume) the next many years.

• The Magnificent Trio
• The Trail of the Broken Blade
• The One-Armed Swordsman
• The Assassin
• Golden Swallow
• The Singing Thief
• Return of the One-Armed Swordsman
• The Flying Dagger
• The Invincible Fist
• Dead End

...plus 80 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.

Having just completed my viewing of the entire Showa Era films, I thought I'd put them all in my favorite to least favorite order. The Hesei, Millennium, and Reiwa eras will all be added as I view them.

If you think there are any important/critical related kaiju films not on this list, let me know!

1. Godzilla
2. Godzilla vs. Hedorah
3. Godzilla vs. Destoroyah
4. Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla II
5. Ebirah, Horror of the Deep
6. Godzilla vs. Biollante
7. Mothra vs. Godzilla
8. Godzilla 2000: Millennium
9. Rebirth of Mothra II
10. Rebirth of Mothra III

...plus 20 more. View the full list on Letterboxd.